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Dark Blossomings

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o_o [16 Mar 2008|08:44pm]
I am making my old journal dampflames into a thing I put my art onto so I can let people see what I do if I offer to draw something for them, and I wanted to empty out all my old entries..
I have 223 old entries to delete, but I can't do mass anything to them unless I am paying for an account. I suppose I am in no position to complain because it is free... But I so rarely use LJ...
Ugh! At least it was a private journal, so they don't show up to other people, but just knowing they are there bugs me.

Anyway. I feel like my life has got to boring again.
I need something to shake it up again!
I need change. When life gets to boring I fall into a slump because my mind isn't being challenged by my environment, and I need that kind of stimulation.
I need variety.. I don't know how people can have the same job and live in the same place for decades..
Intellectually and emotionally I would just wilt completely...
Like I am right now. I just feel so listless, depressed, unmotivated and passionless.
The highlight of my life right now is calculus.
I am not quite sure what remedy would work.
I have tried a few things... But nothing works.

Something happen! I need a catastrophe in my life!
Well, okay, doesn't have to be bad... Like coming to university was a good change.

Would going for runs at the Athletic centre in the morning help to make me feel more alive?
Help to revive me?
Bah, I don't know.
*failing at life*
(4 blurbs |make a blurb)

[24 Jan 2008|10:27pm]
I love watching people who love math, do math.
I don't know why..
But I realized that recently.
I like watching my calculus professor and my calculus TA do math..
It's weird. I know. -_-

So today I also went to a math seminar.. They have tons of them, but are all on very advanced math problems.. So I haven't gone to one, but I've been wanting to.
I didn't understand much of it. Expected. But I am hoping, that if I go to enough of them, then maybe at some point I will understand something, or at least I will have a better chance of understanding something...
And I get to watch people do math who are passionate and excited about it.
The guy today who did the 'cubic threefolds and rationality' seminar said this at one point:
"And the beauty of this topic is that you can get good examples."
And he was so happy when he said that, like a kid with candy.

I find calculus fun sometimes, but right now it mainly just has me stressed.
(make a blurb)

[12 Jan 2008|05:48pm]
Twice since my last rant she turned it up. T_T
And each time she puts it a degree higher.
84... 85...
I am so stressed out right now. And its the little things that lead a person to breaking.
I can't find any content on my topic for history, and did they really have to put a huge math test 2 weeks after the break?? Ahh!
(make a blurb)

Annoying suitemates in residence [11 Jan 2008|01:40pm]
The girl who likes it hot came back yesterday.
I had a nice 5 days here without her. At 71 degrees.
Then last night.. I heard her turn it up.
So in the morning I went to turn it down.. and she had put it 83 degrees.
Me and the other girl beside me are both quite unhappy.
Also when it gets that hot, the air gets extremely dry.
Not to mention the electrical power wasted on that. :P

And besides that, she doesn't even dress properly for the weather.
She goes around in teeny shorts and sandals.
This is Canada dammit.

(make a blurb)

[09 Jan 2008|11:44am]
My East Asian history class has a professor for the TA, but he is crazy.
Absolutely crazy.
We got our essays and tests back today that we wrote before the holiday and when he discussed how we did on the test, he got super excited when he was telling us how amusing it was that he learns things he didn't know before, like in the Qing dynasty, that Lu Xun started a revolt against the government. He was really making fun of the desperate people who made facts up on the test.. He was so happy about it he was practically jumping in his chair. So animated he was going red in the face.

Then he goes on to say that since we did badly on the test, that he was generous with the essay marks. Except that he took off marks on my friends paper for putting the wrong city that books were published in. (I didn't look at the comments on my own yet.. x_X) That is generous?
It's nice that he enjoys marking so much, but he scares the crap out of us.
Needless to say, no one likes him, and its a lucky day if half of our tutorial group shows up...

Anyway, I have a calculus lecture in 15 minutes. Woo!
(make a blurb)

Musashi's wig [14 Dec 2007|01:12pm]
So it came awhile ago..
But I had it sent to my home in Kitchener rather my residence at UofT so I haven't been able to get at it, haha.

It is so much better quality than I had expected!
I am so happy with it.

Finally he has hair. ^_^
No face-up yet.. the store in Toronto I was hoping would have Mr.Super Clear in stock didn't by the time I had to come back home. -_- So I will probably take art supplies with me back to Toronto so I can do it there instead of having to wait until I can come home again.
I am getting impatient. >_>;;

I want to go back to university already. o_o
I have nothing to do now..
I actually miss going to class. I really enjoyed them all..
Katie is very bored.
And feeling blah.
(1 blurb |make a blurb)

University is stressful in many ways.... [08 Dec 2007|05:30pm]
I wish I wasn't so shy!
And the people I like the most, I end up being the most quiet around.
And I think I end up being rude to them too...

Today was not a very good day...
I felt so sad I bought cookie dough and binged on it.
[Have been staying away from anything with sugar for weeks now..]
Which of course, just makes me feel worse.
A psychological trick.
Very depressing day.

Everything was so good..
Why do things have to fall apart so quickly?
I can't handle it!

My holiday break starts Wednesday.. But that will probably make everything worse.
I need to face these problems and deal with them.

Even though nothing can really fix them.
(2 blurbs |make a blurb)

[13 Nov 2007|12:34am]
While procrastinating on studying for calculus, I came across a group on facebook called "Who needs sex? U of T fucks me everyday!". That is the funniest thing I heard.. all day. ^_^

Now.. study Katie. Study. Focus!! PowerRRR!
(1 blurb |make a blurb)

[12 Nov 2007|01:20am]
I was planning to go to the Santa Claus parade in Toronto but it turns out, it comes to me. It goes right past my window next Sunday..
Seriously, this residence is an amazing location. I can just watch it, staying warm, in my room with an awesome view. ^_^
I love it in this residence! I am really rather sad I have to go home over Christmas.
But they kick us out a day after our last exam so its quiet for those people who still have exams. Poo!!

I mean going home over Thanksgiving almost killed me by the end, and that was for only 2 nights. I don't know how I will last over 3-4 weeks.

I would skip Christmas if it meant I could stay here. I mean, what is so great about eating to much and reveling in the commercialism of the whole thing?
I didn't have it last year since I was living in China, (It passed by like a normal day..) and I would skip it again.

Today as I was leaving I saw the start of the Remembrance day parade go by, but sadly I had a Calculus prep session for the upcoming test of doom.

I'm getting sad that the term is ending, though of course, I will be so happy to be done with all the work! One huge ass good point about the upcoming holiday. o_o Though there is a lot of work I will need to do over the holidays of course..
Almost halfway done my first year of university! >_<;;

I was thinking I didn't want to do an exchange to Japan anymore, but I went to a info session about studying there, and it made me want to again. But I also want to do Paid Experience Year.. I will be in school forever! But I just keep telling myself there is only one chance to do things.. and besides, I may not even get accepted into either program, but I can try.
Also money will be a problem.. after this year my parents won't be paying for anything.. so my financial situation will be shit, though I do have a couple thousand saved, university costs like $5000 at least in tuition a year, here at U of T. And of course living in Toronto is more expensive than other places. Poo!
Poo, poo, poo!
(3 blurbs |make a blurb)

[08 Nov 2007|01:52am]
I was sitting in the living room of our suite today doing a Calculus problem set with Simon, and two other suitemates of mine walked into the kitchen, and had in mind to make a baked potato.. BUT, they found that their potatos had sprouted nasty little 'legs' and stunk so freaken bad.. they were even um, leaking. She kept saying they looked like aliens.
I won't be able to eat another potato again for a long time.

And I am only writing this because I am currently procrastinating on that same problem set.
I got perfect on the last one somehow, don't really know how.
For sure, this one will be far from it.
(make a blurb)

[04 Nov 2007|08:19pm]
I really thought that for our last soccer game of the season, people would come..
But we ended up with only 5.. so we had to forfeit. A very depressing way to end.

So I came back and vacuumed and cleaned our suite.. (First time for our suite. x_x) It looks so nice and clean right now.. ^_^

But I had a terrible headache this afternoon.. Maybe it was from breathing in to much dirt after vacuuming.. But it doesn't help that it is freakin' hot in here. There are six of us in the suite, and 3 to either side of the kitchen, and one of those 3 has a thermostat that controls in the temp in all 3 rooms on that side. I never know when people are here because they close their doors for studying.. : P Do they really need to put it so high that is feels like a oven? I haven't been able to sleep for the past few nights, but nor have I seen the other 2 girls.. They may both have even gone home for the weekend. And I also share a bathroom with the same two and one of them never replaces the toilet paper! And she also never cleans up after herself in the kitchen. She even splattered some crap on my dish towel but didn't bother to wash it. Then there is one girl who uses my dishes and doesn't wash them properly. And some of my utensils and dishes have been missing since I went home over Thanksgiving.. I could go on for awhile.. But I guess for six girls who didn't know each other and are sharing the same place.. It isn't that bad. Could be worse.
My sister who is currently sharing a house with some other girls in Guelph seems to be in a worse situation for people being lazy.

At least the walls are sort of sound proof though.. One night this past week when I went into the hall I could hear the girl beside me yelling at someone on her phone (sounded like it was probably her boyfriend) but I couldn't hear it in my room.. I only heard the really loud drunk people outside on the street.

Today was a bad day. A bad, bad day.
Headaches + heat + needing to study/do homework = very bad.

I need to work hard now!
Exams are looming so much closer.. x_x

Can't have regrets! No regrets.
Must strive for the happiness at the end of the doom mountain.
(make a blurb)

[28 Oct 2007|09:50pm]
I was so disappointed this morning!
We had to forfeit another game because not enough people showed up to play. :P

So it was cold. So it was at 10:30am on Sunday.
Some of your team mates showed up and so did the other team!
Blast you! I wanted to play soccer!

But at least the day got better..
As my parents came down.. and brought me lots of food. ^_^
And some Halloween candy~ And we went out for a lunch/supper.
And my mom brought me a new pair of soccer shoes.

They almost got a parking ticket but we got back just as the guy was ticketing them.. so they were saved. It's hard to find parking here..

Of course it got worse again (after they left..) as I got a stomach ache from to much candy (^_^ hehe..) and my floor (7/8) lost a pumpkin carving contest of which I carved one of the pumpkins we entered.. And my goal to study Calculus sort of disapated. Bah!!!

My stomach isn't used to candy anymore.. I eat so healthy lately. I absolutely love soy-milk and honey nut-o's right now..

On Friday I went to a Halloween party thing for the Japanese club I'm a part of, and one of the dudes dressed like Jesus. With a big nasty wig and beard. But rather funny.. >_> His girlfriend was dressed in an imitation of Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Carribean.. hardly um, matching..

Anyway, I must study! Yes, calculus, I love you!
Eh? I'm not lying.. no. no. no.
I'll even let you sleep beside me tonight!
We can become bffs.
Share our secrets..
(2 blurbs |make a blurb)

[08 Oct 2007|03:31pm]
Whee, back in Toronto. (And glad to be. ^_^)
The weekend went by so fast!

I was so happy my doll came on Friday..
On the Luts website it said it was scheduled to arrive tomorrow..

He looks a little odd without any face-up or wig..
And um, he doesn't have many clothes. >_<
But he is still so pretty!:

He came with another head, that has its eyes almost closed, and tiny vampire fangs. (I left that back home though.) Also, he came with a second pair of hands, but I don't really like them.
(4 blurbs |make a blurb)

[06 Oct 2007|09:52am]
My 645 dollars doll came..
And my first thought after opening it was "OMG, I paid $645 for this!?"

But that faded.. and I love it.
I didn't show my mom because he was totally naked, no wig.. no make-up, etc... (Kind of weird for people who don't know anything about bjd's.)

But I told her how they were totally customizable and how I had to get some stuff so I could do his face-up.. and then she asked if it was possible to remove it. And I was like "Yeah.." Then she said, "You could use washable markers."


Really. Truly. Scary.

I just have to find some Mr. Super Clear Flat now..

But, bah, I have so much work to do for university this weekend I probably won't have much time...
(To sew and stuff. ^_^ I just made him some underwear and lace leggings and a necklace yesterday night..)

And god, the Greyhound bus station in Toronto was so busy yesterday! Everytime I've been there its always been rather a dead place.

It's nice to be home for a couple of days. :3
(4 blurbs |make a blurb)

[04 Oct 2007|10:29pm]
Holy crap..
There is a huge crowd of drunk people in my suite.

Our kitchen island is freakin' full of alcohol and wine.
I went to make a scrambled egg for supper (yeah, at 10pm, >_<).
And they were memorizing the content of their fake IDs. -_-
Now they are discussing what, and how much to drink.

This happened last night too.
At 1-2 am.
Sleep was a little stunted.

University students lead a second life.
As idiots.
I am probably the only person in this suite of legal drinking age, and the only one not drinking.

The suite mate who seems to be the initiator of it all, was talking to me while I did dishes.. and I ended up telling her I was 19. She was like "Your 19!? You can buy us alcohol!? Let's do this up!" =_=
No comment.

I love almost every other aspect of my time here, except this goddamn gotta party all night long, and get really, really drunk thing.


Anyway, I get to go home tomorrow.
Back to Kitchener.
I can aleady foresee that little homework will be done.

And on the Luts website, it says the arrival date is the 9th of Oct for my doll..
-_- The day after I leave Kitchener.. I should have put in my address here.
Oh well, I have no Mr. Super Clear to do a face-up, and the wig I want won't be restocked for another 1-2 weeks.

I will probably be ranting a lot in this journal about drunk people in my suite.
At least I can come into my room and lock the door. ^_^
But of course, I can hear them perfectly. -_-
(make a blurb)

[01 Oct 2007|09:22pm]
Omg, I just got an email saying luts shipped the order!

And .. I am dying from Calculus..
Very much dying.
I took Calculus in highschool. As a summer school course.
So I could get another credit.
For 3 weeks. And that was a year and a half ago.

So my foundation in Calculus is crap.
(1 blurb |make a blurb)

[30 Sep 2007|07:29pm]
Only 5 of us showed up today for our soccer game..
And our only game off campus - at the University of Toronto Mississauga campus. -_-

We went anyway, to UTM. A huge waste of my day. (9:30am - 2:30pm!!!)
But because there was this walk for the cure thing, and they closed a lot of roads, the bus got stuck going down these really tiny roads with lots of cars parked on them, so.. we ended up going down a whole street backwards, and making a lot of people angry.. >_> Besides that, we ended up being late because of it.
We have fifteen people who signed up to play soccer on the Woodsworth Women's intramural team! But no one likes to come..
(Woodsworth is my college.. within the Arts & Science Faculty at U of T)
=_= All we needed was two more to play a game!
We won't have a game next week because of Thanksgiving..
I really wanted to play today.
And they probably all didn't come because they were up drinking last night and were to lazy to get out of bed this morning.
I felt so ashamed when we got to UTM since the other team had all showed up and were ready to play.


I walked to the convention centre yesterday for a bead thing, and right at the intersection in front of the cn tower, a hobo walked right in front of a car and almost got hit.. And then he got so angry at the car! And started yelling... When he was walking away, he was shaking his head, like "tsk, people these days!!". Like the person driving should have had some foresight to know he was randomly going to walk to out (not at a crosswalk.. x_x).
It was kinda funny and rather sad at the same time.. That he doesn't even know some of the basic rules of our society.. o_o

Anyway, what sucks about those kind of conventions is that you pay admission to spend money! It cost $8 to get in, then I spent nearly $100 on beads.
(I love beads, and it is really, really easy to spend that much.)
Maybe I shouldn't have done that.. but a lot of the shops are not near here, or just online.. So in the end it would be better to buy them now.. Though that amount kind of hurts. >_<
I rarely spend money, so every time I do I feel burned.

And also, while I was walking there.. and waiting at a light..
A guy lifted up his foot, touched the bottom of shoe where there was a bit of dirt, and smelled it. It was rather nasty. I thought I'd share that... just because.
(Because I was rather disturbed!)


I didn't study much during the weekend.. I was kind of obssessing over the Delf Lu-wen.. (CP) I absolutely love that doll!
(I spent a lot of time on the Den of Angels forum.. >_>)
For a few years now, I've had the money, but never the courage. I never make it to the last page. I can never do the final step of actually paying..
But.. Once I saw Lu-wen, I was like OMG I must have him!
It's weird, since I have been on the site a few times, and supposedly he was released in July (?) and I never saw him..

Also my credit card was raised from the limit of 500 to 1000 very recently.. so.. That helps. ^_^
Hopefully I won't regret this.. But today and yesterday I was so excited. I couldn't stop obssessing. I keep checking order status (
like every 15 minutes >_<) hoping its gone from "Payment recieved" to "Shipped". .. Though it will probably be days or weeks until it is.

Of course, I will also have to explain to my parents that I spent that much on .. a doll. That definitely won't be a pretty sight, since they think I am saving all my money for university. Which I should be doing. University of Toronto has higher fees than other Universities, besides the point that it is more expensive to live in Toronto too.. But I really like U of T and I love being here...
And I'm thinking I need to get a job. Soon. X-x
(make a blurb)

Yui [22 Sep 2007|08:51pm]
Last night, the club JIEC (Japanese Information Exchange Club) I joined had a pub night.
The first hour or so, was really rather boring.
They only spoke english if they were talking directly to me, so half the time I couldn't understand anything, and I only understand a word here and there of the Japanese..
Well, actually, it was so loud in the pub, I couldn't hear even half the stuff in English, haha.

Then randomly, later, a really rather drunk dude named Yui sat beside me.
He said that usually he is very quiet and doesn't talk, but being drunk makes him talkative..
And he was so awesome. So awesome that I'm writing this journal about him.

He's from Osaka, but has lived in Canada for quite a few years..
I talked to him for quite a while..
Somehow everything was funny..
And I wasn't drunk! All I had was water..
And randomly, nearing when I left, he holds up what I didn't notice he had in his lap (it was kinda dark).. a bicycle seat.. x_x
It was a strange moment.

All I want to say is.. Drunk Yui is awesome!

Also that I failed today at studying.. -_-
And I feel very guilty about it.
Because I am already starting to feel like a failure..
(2 blurbs |make a blurb)

Calculus [12 Sep 2007|09:38pm]
Calculus is death!
Calculus in highschool. Alright. I managed a 93 in that.
Calculus in University.. Like please kill me now.

I am questioning my choice of Computer Science.
Do I really want to kill all my joy?

Do I really like Computer Science?

University is a lot more stressful, and a lot more work than I had imagined.
I have been out of any sort of math for more than a year, so I have forgotten a lot, and my brain has been out of exercise which equals frustration and depression.

It feels like torture.
All my subjects are alright except Calculus.
It doesn't help that my teacher is Russian and speaks only passable English.
Accented so bad that people switched out of that lecture time and into another just so they could understand what the fuck was being said. Of course, I can't because all the other lecture times conflict with other courses I'm taking. Doom on a platter is served.
(2 blurbs |make a blurb)

[05 Sep 2007|03:51pm]
I just had the placement test to get into Japanese Level 2 and failed.
It was really disapointing. I studied a lot, but I guess it turned into doing a lot of reviewing since I had been out of it for a year and a couple of months.
And one year of university Japanese covers way more than what I did in three years of highschool Japanese.
I moved courses around to make room for it and now I'm not even in it. And I didn't take some that conflicted with it. ARGH.
Nor do I have enough credits now. Only 3.5. : P

Even today, there was an overnight trip for orientation that I didn't go on because of the placement test.

I'm a failure!

I also found out that Japanese doesn't even count towards a minor. Today was a bad day.
If the registrar here at Woodsworth is closed I'm going to walk to Chinatown and buy some slippers.
(make a blurb)

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